Even supportive managers can say things that shut down honesty. Small phrases can make people feel dismissed or judged. Noticing what not to say helps keep trust intact.
Reassuring too quickly
Dismisses or rushes past real emotion.
Instead of
- “You’ll be fine”
- “Don’t worry about it”
- “It’ll all work out”
Try
- “That sounds tough”
- “What part feels hardest right now?”
- “Take your time, I’m listening”
Minimizing their experience
Invalidates or compares their feelings.
Instead of
- “At least it’s not as bad as…”
- “That’s not so bad”
- “Could be worse”
Try
- “That sounds frustrating”
- “I’m glad you told me”
- “Your experience matters”
Judging or adding guilt
Adds pressure or subtle blame.
Instead of
- “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
- “That’s not how I’d do it”
- “You should’ve said something earlier”
Try
- “Thanks for letting me know now”
- “You don’t have to explain everything”
- “I’m just glad you shared it”
Fixing too fast
Skips over listening and may feel controlling.
Instead of
- “You should talk to HR”
- “Just try meditating”
- “Here’s what I’d do”
Try
- “Do you want to vent or talk through options?”
- “I’m here to listen first”
- “We can figure out next steps together”
Making it about you
Shifts attention away from them.
Instead of
- “I’ve been through the same thing”
- “That happened to me once”
- “I know exactly how you feel”
Try
- “Thanks for trusting me with this”
- “I’m here for you”
- “Want to share more about what this feels like for you?”